he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
