positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
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