I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize