He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
