I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
