im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
the room spins SO much faster in panama
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
