what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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