brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
