She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
