she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
