i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
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