what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
