I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
i think im in europe. pls send help
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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