Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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