I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
