I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
