you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
