We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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