You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
