You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
We got so high we made milksteak
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
