I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
