It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
