How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
