I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
