I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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