I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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