how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
