remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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