wakey wakey hands off snakey
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
