It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Two words: blizzard sex
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
