dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
