Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
