worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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