i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
