I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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