We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
