I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
