Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I want to fling myself into the sun
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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