Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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