They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
