How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
