Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
