She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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