Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
