hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
