the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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