The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
