she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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