Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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