I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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