Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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