I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
