we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
my god I love twenty year old dicks
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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