I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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