i jhust puked up my retainher.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
