Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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