something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
